I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were the same as mine - we were both crazy about girls.
Groucho Marx
The Old Days
Geordie Green groaned as he lowered himself onto the park bench, 'Bloody knees,' he muttered, 'Bugger old age.'
And he was right to moan because old age was catching up, had caught up with him. He could tell it had, his knees elbows, back and hands ached, despite the pills prescribed by Dr Patel. Eight a day and another six for his water works, not that they did any good. The pain was always there and he had to pass water before he went out to the shops and like as not he’d need to go while he was there. But the nights were worse, his sleep broken by constant trips to the bog.
What was it, the Doc said? ‘It’s an enlarged prostate, not malignant, no cancer, these pills will ease the pain from the joints and the others will help with the water. Good eh.’
‘Smug bastard, it’s all right for a young fella like him, coming from a warm climate. He’s only been over here three years; wait until he’s been here thirty years and the English weather takes its toll. He’ll find out, and then he’ll be popping his own pills.
‘Oh God, another nail in the coffin, I’m talking to myself again.’
Hearing this, an outside listener might have expected Geordie to lapse into silence. They would have been wrong. The outburst was more a recognition of what was, than a determination to desist from the habit.
‘You know what they say about talking to yourself, Geordie,’ called Tomo.
Geordie squinted into the low morning sun and watched the shadow-like figure of his long time friend approach. Tommy (Tomo) Thompson and he, had been mates since forever.
‘Nice morning,’ Tomo said cheerfully, as he sat down with nary a groan.
‘It’s cold for the time of the year,’ grumped Geordie. ‘They talk about global warming, but it was warmer when we were lads.’
‘Oh, that’s the way we’re going today,’ said Tomo.
‘Don’t know what, you mean.’
‘Yes, you do, you're going to go on about the old days.’
‘Well, why not, things were better then.’
‘Like what?’ asked Tomo.
‘Like all this stuff we hear about school bullying. Didn’t happen in our day.’
‘No! Then why did Paddy Hopper knock out your front teeth?’
‘When?’
‘You know when, just before we broke up for the holidays.’
‘Oh, that was only a one off, an argument over some marbles.’
‘No it wasn’t. He and his mates picked on us for a whole year, until they got sent away for breaking into the corner shop.’
‘It was alright after that though.’
‘Possibly, but you were saying that there was no bullying in those days and there was.’
‘Alright, alright, but the weather was better, then.’
‘Aye, like the winter of 47, when people died in the snow drifts.’
Geordie sighed, he knew he wasn’t going to win; Tomo could always best him in an argument. It had been like that since the day they first met in St Mary’s infants, a friendship that had lasted for 65 years.
He turned back to continue the conversation, but the bench was empty.
Then he remembered.Tomo had been dead for a year now.
